Coming back to school less than a week after the earthquake felt like the next thing to do in the natural progression of the whirlwind that my experience in Haiti ended up being. For some reason, returning after a summer off is much more difficult.
As someone who has had a path since age twelve, it's incredibly disorienting to be seriously questioning my future career. I found myself in the first day of class disconcertingly disengaged, even with fantastic instructors and much more interesting and practical material. During lecture, when I should be concentrating on clinical prediction rules for spinal manipulations, instead I think, dream, and worry about other things. Mostly Haiti. Mostly social justice issues. Mostly suffering far greater than my future patients' low back pain.
Is staying here, within this life that I usually love but in which I also often feel imprisoned and claustrophobic, for the next two years to earn a practical healthcare degree worth it? Will the experience I earn cancel out the two years I will lose in which I could be working towards a future in which I could better contribute to the larger issues I am distracted by every minute of the day? Not that I know exactly what steps I would need to take to do that, and that uncertainty is the main reason I am staying, for now.
I'm hoping someone has the answer. I'm not sure if I do.