Se ofisyèl!!

It's official.

The plane ticket for my return to Haiti has been purchased.

It's feeling real now, and honestly, I'm starting to feel anxious. While I should be mentally preparing to witness more destruction, lack of progress, and show up and not see some of the wonderful kids I had met before the earthquake, my worries now lie elsewhere.

I decided not to go alone. While the support of close friends may be wonderful, I've never been one to be publicly emotional and prefer to deal with intense feelings privately. Luckily I have had the chance, with a few close friends, to really let loose and mourn in the past few months, but probably not enough. And on this trip, I know that as the "leader" of this group, I will not only feel pressure to plan an experience that my friends consider valuable and worth their expensive plane ticket, but in a place so unstable and polemic, knowing myself, I'm sure I'll feel pressure to be a source of stability, knowledge, and strength.

Am I ready for this?

I don't know how much emotional processing I'll need while in Haiti, but I need to prepare myself and my travel partners for the possibility that I could be a bit of a wreck. Not easy to do for someone who seeks control and avoids vulnerability.

But, in other exciting news, I finally got enrolled in an online Creole class through HaitiHub, a website started by former Friends of the Orphans volunteer Carlo. It starts on the 25th of August and will take me through much of the semester. Considering the fact that I haven't opened a Creole book in weeks and was starting to feel discouraged and stagnant in my process, this couldn't come at a better time. Thank you Carlo!!